Reports say Narendra Modi fans depressed, directionless.

Just three weeks into Modi sarkar, fans of Prime Minister Narendra Modi have reportedly sunk into a massive depression of epidemic proportions. According to reports that are still coming in, NaMo fans have been left high and dry with absolutely nothing to talk about after BJP’s resounding victory in the recent elections. Dr. Viru Sahasrabuddhi, a practicing psychotherapist at NIMHANS in Bangalore explained. “This is perfectly understandable. Euphoria is often accompanied by depression. For months and years, thousands and even millions of Modi’s fans have been raising hell and devoted every waking moment to spreading his message and helping his campaign. After his victory, they are waking up to the gloomy and harsh reality that they now have nothing left in their otherwise empty lives.”

Meet Chandan Kishwar, 28, who spent the last two years digging up unflattering photographs of Rahul Gandhi and incessantly tweeting laudatory articles about Modi under the handle @ProudAndRabidNationalistHindu, often skipping lunch and dinner. This morning, he was discovered comatose and unresponsive to light or sound by a neighbor. “This is really sad. Until a few weeks back, I was ready to poison him for his obnoxious obsession with Modi. Now I’d give my right arm to get my rabidly nationalistic, Congi hating, Hindutva zealot friend back,” said a friend of Kishwar, YVSSR Raju, 27, who’s been fighting his own silent battle against depression after successfully lobbying on Twitter for Telangana.

The epidemic is ringing alarm bells around the nation. An estimated 67 percent of India’s workforce has been laid low in the aftermath of Modi fever, a situation which threatens an economy already ravaged by inflation. “There seems to be a strange belief among Modi fans that their work is complete now that he has been elected. In fact, they are convinced that they don’t have to work for anything anymore. In extreme cases, some are even refusing to accept the reality that the campaign is over. It’s like they are living in a fantasy of their own and continuing to post over-the-top messages on Facebook hailing their Messiah and adamantly refusing to process any negative information about Modi. The situation is so dire that these people are now transfixed, waiting for India to instantly and magically transform into an economic superpower at the snap of Modi’s fingers. This is cause for concern,” added Dr. Sahasrabuddhi in a very helpful tone.

In other news, Smriti Irani, responding to criticism that she lacks the experience to manage the HRD ministry, has enrolled herself in an online internship program run by the University of Phoenix. While the HRD ministry refused to comment, a spokesman for the University of Phoenix had this to say, “We’re pleased to confirm that Ms. Irani has enrolled in our world class internship program. The 3 week online, self-guided program has been thoughtfully crafted for those who might not normally be considered qualified for the jobs they’ve been hired for. During the course of three weeks, Ms. Irani will learn to configure Google alerts for news headlines related to education and to write catchy tweets and hashtags, areas she has specifically expressed interest in. I’d like to add that our program is over a hundred years old. In fact, the one of the first graduates of this historic program was the guy who captained the Titanic.”

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