June 20, 2014

How do I get into Delhi University?

Dear Dr. What Ho!

I’m a student in a CBSE school in Delhi. I’ve just entered this torture chamber that they call Std XII. I think people should be happy that we go to school at all. It’s not like we’re getting paid for it. Putting such annoyances aside, I’ve been a hard working kid all through school. I’ve done all right on my grades, barring the occasional goof-ups. I’ve always done my homework barring the few times I haven’t. I’m not at the top of the class. But then again, I’m not a slacker either. Interestingly, it turns out that in this insane world in which we live, that just might not be good enough for Delhi University. And I ask why? It’s not like they are Google or something. It’s not a place where I can go and do something that transforms the lives of people. It’s just a bloody three or four year college program, for heaven’s sake. Why is it so hard to get in? Can you give me sage advice on how I can pull off what appears to be an incredible stunt? How to get into Delhi university? Please tell..

Depressed in Dwarka.

Dear Depressed, 

Well said. We live in interesting times. These days, kids work hard in school so they can grow up to be whoever Delhi University wants them to be. But I admire your irreverence for institutions. I have a feeling that you’ll be fine no matter what you do.

Since you asked, here’s my guess on how to get into Delhi university. Something tells me that you have a boring last name. Else you wouldn’t be writing letters to strangers asking for advice. Drop the boring last name. Like right now. And replace it with something grand and dynastic like Gandhi. Or Scindia. Second, I hope you’re aware of all the tests you’ll have to undergo. Keep the results handy when applying; especially the stool sample test. I’m hoping that you’re not a ‘general admissions quota’ candidate. If you are one, you should carefully consider the merits of running away from home and becoming a nomadic gypsy. If you’re not, you must write your caste name in BIG BOLD LETTERS at the top of the application. Another tactic that has worked in the past is to get a recommendation from Pranab Mukherjee, the President of India. Remember, he’s YOUR president. And of all the things he owes you, the least is a reco letter. Last but not the least, I suggest that you play it safe and get 110 percent in the board exams.

Good luck and God bless you, kid.

Dr. What Ho!

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