June 15, 2013

BJP promotes LK Advani to Senior Vice President of Blogging

In a widely anticipated move, the BJP has promoted Lal Kishen Advani to head a worldwide initiative that will focus on making tenuous connections between political events in the country and mythology. Sources from within the BJP say that Advani’s recent work connecting Pitamaha Bhishma to his own self has caught the attention of the powerful National Executive of the party which recently convened in Goa. An internal communication to party members from president Rajnath Singh leaked to What Ho! is reproduced below.

“Dear party faithful,

It gives me great pleasure to announce the immediate appointment of Shri. Advani as Senior Vice President, Project Unicorn. Project Unicorn has always been a pet project of Advaniji, on which he’s been working over the recent years in stealth mode. We anticipate that this will tap into his inexhaustible passion for combining politics, blogging and mythology and bring much needed laser focus on an important initiative which will connect these amazingly intricate domains in ways the world has never imagined before.

It’s no secret that Advaniji is a go-getter and one of the brightest young talents in the organization. In fact, we’ve been keeping a close eye on this young man for a good part of four decades. Although he has always been part of corporate HQ, we’ve felt that his enthusiastic field work such as in the Rath yatra has been under appreciated by the outside world. His recent blog piece on painting himself as Pitamaha Bhishma, without doubt, tipped us over the edge on this decision.

On a note of caution, I’d like to bring to your attention that Advaniji will be resigning frequently from this post in the months to come. We’ve been told by him that such tactics are necessary in driving traffic to his blog. Please rest assured that he will usually rescind resignations at any point in the 72 hour period following their announcements* (* may vary if weekends are involved). I sincerely request you to not indulge in name calling on social media or in writing petty satire articles which may besmirch Advaniji’s fair name or the party reputation when hearing of his resignations.

I’m sure you’ll agree that the fact that he is one of the founders of our organization makes this announcement even sweeter and join me in wishing him all the best in his new role. Forgive me if I sound emotional when I say that Advaniji is a cowboy made in the original Louis L’Amour mold. They don’t make ‘em like him anymore. Nothing would give us greater happiness than to see him holster his guns and ride off into the sunset on his unicorn, by which of course I mean horse.

Regards,

Rajnath.

Mr. Advani sounded upbeat at a press conference where he read out a lengthy statement outlining the details around his new role.

“I’m besides myself with joy when I see the dazzling array of possibilities in front of me. Let me tell you that I plan to bring a pan-world dimension and new perspectives to this initiative. I know that everyone thinks that the Mahabharat is a fantastic mythological platform from which to spin theories. Sadly it is also an oft abused one. I feel that Ramayan on the other hand offers immense untapped potential. Take the story of Vali who’s shot down just because he came back and took what was rightfully his. Does that remind you of anyone? Hey look at me. Hello?

Greek, Egyptian, Nordic, Chinese, Japanese, Native American . The list of mythologies is endless. For example, I can easily see Jaitley as the half-God Loki in Asgard who goes around brokering deals. As an immediate next step, I’m working on a blog post in which I will draw skillful comparisons between me and Cronos the Greek Titan, who is betrayed and struck down by his own son Zeus in his mad lust for power. I will post it in a week from now and will resign shortly after it goes live. The country is heading into a challenging phase of its history as we move towards elections. What better way to educate people than to make oblique references to Narendra Modi’s hunger for power through a Japanese mythological inference?”

In other news, the BJP national executive voted resoundingly in favour of giving Nitish Kumar, leader of JD(U) and Bihar chief minister a “good and solid wedgie” whenever they meet him next.

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